Before we go any further, let me assure you 100% that suicide is not being contemplated. Not in the least.
I just sometimes think about whether living right here, right now is really worth it. I then feel like a hypocrite, because I've told so many friends / acquaintances and strangers that they should work on their problems, and that suicide is not the answer, and that life is more beautiful than it seems to them at that moment.
I tell them these lies, because I want them to feel that someone cares, which I do. I just tell them the lies of life being so lovely so that they don't kill themselves, but in my own head, I wonder so often why life IS actually worth living. What is the point of it all. We walk around, bound by social construct (which is necessary), working, eating, talking, making friends, losing friends, losing family, and so much more that requires so much effort, all to eventually fall into decay and death anyway. Why put ourselves through it all? What purpose? What end?
I know we're just making the best of the lives we're given, and the reason to do it all is because we're here and we have to make the best of it. But sometimes I just wanna know why. I know I never will, no one ever can know the answer.
Just venting, I guess.
Let me repeat, I do not want to kill myself, far from it. I'm just voicing thoughts that pop into my head. I am in no way sick of life and don't wanna live it anymore.
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