How did I ever let it get this far? How did I not notice what was happening to me along the way? How did I end up trapped in this prison, this network, this method of instant delivery?
My Dopamine system is fucked. It's shot. Done.
Fucking youtube, Instagram, vine, snapchat, facebook. All of it. Fucking all of it. It's holding me as a prisoner. I have no attention span anymore. I cannot focus on something for more than a fuckin minute.
I'm fucking 28. I was born right when computers were making their rounds. I played dos games since a young age. I never stopped. I fuckin live on the internet. It is my place.
I have been fucking stuck in a chair and in front of a monitor every single fucking day and night of my life it seems. I am drained. I am so fucking depressed every day because nothing excites me anymore, nothing makes me happy.
Because the fucking technology gives me that quick fucking hit. On. Fucking. Demand.
I cannot do anything without it when its down I'm anxious. When I'm bored I'm cycling through the apps for the latest bit of news, hoping one top Reddit link changed, or someone posted another snap I don't get a flying fuck about just so I have something to fucking do with my fingers and my brain.
It's all fucking pointless.
We don't ask how anyone doing anymore. We just fucking see it on facebook/snap/insta. All that fucking shit you'd think is cool and amazing if you randomly heard about it is now all a fucking bore. So what you and everyone else did it and i knew the fuckin second it happened. Every fucking meme we share, I've already fuckin seen it. Every news article is just depressing. Shit that makes you mad hits the headlines, now that that makes you feel good.
But I can't quit. It got a strong grip on me. I feel like all I can do is reduce to my best abilities, because of day to day, I have to have it for running my business, for communications, for connections.
All I can do is reduce.
Still stuck between these four walls.
This tiny room.
These two screens.
This padded cushion I roll around on.
This keyboard and mice which have aided in destroying my hands, thereby lowering my quality of life.
This tangled web of cyberspace I cannot escape.
How your grip ever tightens.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
